


Who am I?

by BearlyMadeIt



Series: The Price For Love [2]
Category: Limitless (2011), Limitless (TV)
Genre: Addiction, Angst, Dark, Drug Addiction, Drug Withdrawal, Emotional, Established Relationship, Fear, Fear of Discovery, Friendship, Gay, Hurt/Comfort, Lies, Love, M/M, Memory Alteration, Memory Loss, Moving In Together, Multiple Personalities, NZT, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Romance, Secret Relationship, Secrets, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-19
Updated: 2020-01-25
Packaged: 2020-10-21 18:48:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20698313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BearlyMadeIt/pseuds/BearlyMadeIt
Summary: Getting off NZT is hard.Staying off NZT is harder.Finding a new purpose in life is the hardest.Keeping the summary vague because I'm not sure yet where this will go.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is both, the first chapter of this work and the last chapter of the previous work. If you read the previous one just skip to the next chapter (as soon as available).
> 
> I wanted to thank you all for all the kudos and comments and hits I got on my first work. You are all awesome!
> 
> See you around!

Bright, bright light.

Fuzzy shapes.

His ears rang. His stomach turned.

Brian felt like chewed on and spit out again.

As if death was better. Way better. Preferable to this current version of existence.

He groaned without making a sound, tried to move, but realized he couldn't. His muscles just didn't react. What was this taste in his mouth? Why…

He groaned again, blinked, tried to move, but was still unable to.

Slowly, the shapes got clearer. A bedside table. A wall.

Why couldn't he –

Brian's heart clenched and paced away when he realized he was in a bed. He was in a fucking bed. His last memory was him sitting beside Ed, on their way to the airport. They had casually talked, he had tasted his way through all his chocolates, and… and…

Now he was here. In a fucking bed!

He wanted to snap for air, but his body still didn't cooperate. He just lay there, breathing hollowly, a captive of his own body.

He had lost time again. He had fucking lost time again, which meant he must have been on NZT. He hadn't eaten any, though. Unless… the chocolate. His favorite chocolate. He really was a moron.

Brian wanted to scream, to cry out for help, to anything, but all he could feel was his throat clenching, his heart rate increasing, his eyes darting from side to side.

Would he die like this? Was this some crude plan from NZT-Brian to get rid of both of them? Yet again, NZT-Brian wasn't a big fan of dy-

Was this real?

Was this right now? The present moment?

Was he sure this wasn't a prison inside his mind? NZT-Brian would surely be able to lock him away. Make him the passenger in his own body. Force him to watch a psychopath wear his skin, smile the sweetest smile and live his life.

Maybe NZT-Brian was sleeping right now, giving him the chance to wake up and…

Nothing.

He couldn't move.

He could just lay here, stare at the white wall and panic.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the comments and kudos for the first chapter! I'm sorry it took so long, but here is chapter two!  
I'll try to not have such a long wait until the next one :)

For what felt like forever, nothing happened. Nothing at all. He still couldn't move. No sounds. Was he at Ed's? The bedside table looked like it, but he wasn't fully sure. He couldn't be. The only other thing he could see was the damn wall and white walls were about the most common thing in the world.

If he wasn't at Ed's, where was he?

A hotel room, maybe?

Had he moved?

Brian felt his heartrate pick up at the thought. He might have moved. How much time had he lost? A month? A year? Ten years? He didn't feel much besides panic and numbness. Maybe he was 70, having missed his entire life.

Steps caught his attention. Quiet steps getting closer. Hopefully, he would learn where he was and who was with him.

Please, let it be Ed. Please, let him not missed all his life.

To his dismay, the first thing he saw were suit pants, which helped him about not at all. Had he maybe been kidnapped? He would have missed his pill while being locked up and drugged and restrained. Yet, whoever had him surely didn't have use for boring old

The legs knelt and Ed's face appeared in front of his eyes. Brian felt like crying out of sheer relief if only he could cry. He was safe. Ed was with him. And he didn't look older at all, which meant he hadn't missed his life. Why couldn't he move though? What had Ed done? Or had he saved him? 

"Hey there." Ed said softly and stroked along his cheek. At least, Brian thought he stroked along his cheek. He couldn't feel the touch. "I'll explain everything in time. For now, let me change into something more comfortable."

Brian wanted to whine, to protest when his lover got up, the legs moving away, but he couldn't. He could only lay there and freak out, his poor heart beating ever faster. Right before he panicked, because maybe he had just thought he had seen Ed, maybe he had just imagined him, maybe he was imagining the sounds he believed he heard, maybe he was all alone in a hotel room, drugged with only God knew, left alone to die, when the matress dipped and he got carefully turned around.

Ed sat on his bed (yes, he was at Ed's), directly in front of him, wearing sweatpants and a loose shirt instead of a suit. His lover smiled a sad smile and reached out to him, presumably stroking his cheek again.

"I'm sorry. You'll be okay soon." He paused and frowned. "Ish. I'm not exactly sure how long you'll be unable to move. A ton of factors, sadly, but you'll be okay. Don't worry."

A ton of factors? Since when was Ed unable to predict something? He was the one guy to know! What the hell had happened to him?

"Mm... do you want some music? We need a means to communicate, don't we? Just blink once for yes and twice for no. Or should I just talk?"

Music or Ed's voice?

He wanted Ed's voice. It was soothing most of all, even though he still wasn't sure if this wasn't a dream. If this right now was indeed real. Would NZT-Brian be able to fool Ed? He wanted to believe no, because Ed was so, so much ahead of him, even if on NZT, but his alter ego was ruthless. Had maybe always been.

Inhaling slowly, he blinked twice and then once.

Ed hummed, finally pulling his hand away. "Okay. Can you feel touch already?"

Ed knew he was numb? He blinked twice.

Ed grimaced. "Sucks, but okay. Are you still in pain?"

Brian wasn't sure what to say. He still felt as if he had taken a severe beating, but it wasn't as bad as after he woke up. Accordingly, he just blinked three times.

Ed hummed lowly. "Okay. Well, I just got home again. Had a meeting with Johnson. I think he's an idiot, but he's liked in public, so I'll need his support. Not much of a problem, really, so..."

Ed continued to just talk. Babble about politics, stroke his face every now and then and ask if he could feel something and then kept on talking. How could anyone ever talk so much about politics? Well... maybe he shouldn't date a politician in the first place.

While Ed babbled, Brian realized the man in front of him never mentioned a date or a public event or anything which might help him to figure out how much time he had missed. 

Ed's warm and soft fingers on his cheek made him freeze. Touch. He could feel touch. He could feel laying on the bed. He still felt like shit, but... he blinked once.

Ed, who had been talking about some kind of statistics Brian hadn't listened to, smiled. Smiled happily. 

"Good." He said softly, flopped down on the bed and moved closer, until he could hug him, pulling his limp body against his warm chest. Strong arms holding him. Ed's scent. Again, Brian felt like crying, his throat clenching. He wanted to bury his face in Ed's neck, kiss him, tell him how happy he was. How much he had missed him, how much he loved him, how grateful he was that he was here. Demand that the idiot finally told him how much time he had missed. But he couldn't. Yet. Instead, he revelled in being held by his lover. Warm arms holding him, his face only inches away. Oh God, how much he wanted to kiss him.

But Ed didn't kiss him. He just pressed his cheek against his for a little until he moved away a bit, still holding him loosely. 

"Okay..." 

Before the man could deep dive into statistics once again, Brian resorted to madly blinking. He wanted to be hugged again. Maybe even get his kiss. If all of this was a dream, or even worse reality with him never being able to move, he at least wanted to be close to his love.

Ed stared at him for a few seconds, before he hummed lowly. Brian never got his kiss. Instead, he ended up sitting between Ed's legs, his back leaning against Ed's chest, arms wrapped around him. He both wanted to complain about not seeing his lover and thank him for holding him like this. He could even feel his warm breath on his neck. Not too bad.

And then this damn moron just resumed where he had stopped. Statistics.

It started in his fingertips. The soft, odd tingling. He had felt like that when waking up from NZT once before. Unlike before, the tingling advanced slower, but steady nonetheless. If felt like forever, until his arm tingled. Then his chest. Then his entire body.

And still, Brian didn't move. He just listened to Ed's character analysis of his most worrisome opponent during the election. What if, once he moved his body, NZT-Brian took control again? What if he had allowed him to get his hopes up, only to crush him at the last second? Sounded like something he would do. What if...

What if...

He could just... listen to Ed talking about politics for ages? Rather not, even though he wondered how a person could talk so much about such a boring topic. And still, if he had to decide between Ed's babbling and NZT-Brian locking him away again, he knew what he would do. He didn't move for ages. Clung to the warmth of Ed's body, his voice.

And yet...

He moved his pinkie first. Not even a movement, more like the tiniest twitch he could manage. None at all, basically. Still, Ed shut up instantly.

The hand, which had rested on his chest, moved away and intertwined their fingers. "Hey." Ed whispered quietly into his ear.

Before anything else, Brian turned around clumsily and pressed his lips against Ed's, tears running down his cheeks. Was this it? Would he be gone any second now?

When the kiss carried on, somehow both soft and slow and frantic, Ed's hands on his sides, Brian eventually broke away. He panted, still cried, his heart hammering.

He was still. This was real. Presumably.

"How long?" He asked instantly, even though he was terrified of the reply. He'd rather have Ed talk another year about politics instead of answering. Why had he asked anyway? About everything else was more important! Why he couldn't move, what had happened, how he had gotten NZT, if he still had a job, if...

And yet, he knew there was only one most important question. How long?

"Three months."


End file.
